His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
