i don't like sucking hair
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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