I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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