I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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