Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
