I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
