The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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