This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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