ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
