YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
