I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize