Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
