She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
a search helicopter?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
