gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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