Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
