I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
