i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
