when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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