Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
