my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
