we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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