My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
