So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
