I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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