she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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