im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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