Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
