He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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