Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
