Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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