Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
