Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
