Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
