My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How does it feel to date your dad?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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