I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
