I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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