I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
