He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
