Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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