I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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