So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
