You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
