Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
