Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
