I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize