Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
