Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
