Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
