I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
