apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
