Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize