glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
