I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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