What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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