I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
