I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
