Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
