dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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