i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
