i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
