Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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