I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
50% drunk capacity currently
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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