; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
