Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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