my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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