i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
