tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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