you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize