addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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