We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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