Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to stop coming to work sober
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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