his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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