you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i need some magic done to my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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