FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
